Grief

Grief can manifest in many different ways in a person’s life. It can occur due to the loss of another. It can also arise through the loss of a friendship, relationship, career or the loss of a life one felt they should have lived. Grief is a healthy and adaptive process. In certain circumstances, grief can escalate to being prolonged, complicated or traumatic grief.

Common Symptoms of Grief (Healthy)

• shock – “I can’t believe this happened”
• overwhelming sadness
• exhaustion
• anger – with family, with the person who died
• guilt – could I have done something different at the time of loss

Prolonged grief disorder / Complicated Grief (Maladaptive)

If the intensity of the symptoms outlined above still remains after 6 months. It may be time to reach out to a counsellor.

Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder include:

• sadness or guilt for over 6 months
• wanting to be alone to think about the person who died
• difficulty accepting the death – this shouldn’t have happened
• not being able to focus at work/ home/ hobbies
• suicidal thoughts

You're more likely to have prolonged grief disorder if the death was traumatic or sudden and unexpected.

Disenfranchised Grief

Across the literature, disenfranchised grief has occurred when a person’s support network does not support or allow someone to process their grief. The grief could be due to a loss that is cultural, religious and not supported by society. Examples of disenfranchised grief can occur through the loss of family support due to one’s relationship/ gender, suicide, miscarriage, divorce, loss of a pet and not being able to have children.

Interventions – CBT for grief

Working with your counsellor using a framework such as CBT for grief may allow for greater control of your grief while adjusting to life with that loss

CBT looks at what is maintaining the grief:

(1) Insufficient integration of separation and the death of the significant other within one’s memory (They are still here)

(2) Maladaptive cognitions (I can’t live without them / I can’t cope)

(3) Problematic avoidance strategies such as working too hard, not working, addictive behaviours and anger at others / the world

Tools to support grief

• Writing a farewell letter
• Looking at photographs with your therapist
• Looking at the goals for your own life
• Allowing yourself to feel happiness despite the loss